Will it ever get better?

2007_04_18_5It’s “that day” again this week. The 14th of May. The day that will forever be marked as the day Ingrid died. We call it her Angel Day, the day she got her wings back again.

That day used to be blacker than black. I would take the day off work because I knew I would be useless in the office that day. I would be spending the day crying and feeling that huge, empty hole in my heart.

All the details of that morning of the 14th of May 2007 were crystal clear, as if they were frozen into a snap shot of pain and grief in my memory and in my physical body.

I thought it would have to be that way for the rest of my life. Because how could it ever NOT be painful to remember that day?

But it’s NOT painful anymore.

The day is filled with memories, but the difference now is that it’s not physically painful to think about it. I don’t have to re-live that day as if it was happening all over again (as in the movie Groundhog Day).

Today we celebrate the 14th of May as if it would be a birthday. In a way it is, Ingrid’s Angel Day. The day she became a little angel and guide in our lives instead of being here in physical form. Her siblings pick a cake, get the balloons out and we celebrate that she is still in our lives in her own, special way.

I sometimes have a hard time understanding how I’ve managed to turn the loss of my child in to my biggest strength, but I have. I’ve done it because I got access to tools an people that could help me through and guide me towards healing my heart. For that I’m truly grateful.

 

 

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