It’s time to let off some steam… As more and more of our friends are going the “third child” route I find myself overwhelmed with all those horrible thought and feelings that are so tabu to talk about.
First of all, we HAVE a third child already and our number three is called Victor. The next time someone asks why we don’t want to have a third (generally someone I only know from the play ground) I’m going to SCREAM! Second, IT’S SO F**ING UNFAIR that we don’t have all three children with us physically to stop all those who wonders why we don’t want to have a third. And third, I went through THREE pregnancies, THREEx8 months with sleepless nights, THREEx8 months of diaper changing, feeding, weighing, playing, singing, cuddling, loving… and I need to get that straight once and for all, most importantly in my OWN head because I don’t feel like I have the evidence that we have a third.
I confess, whenever I hear about yet another “third child” I cringe and feel this big wave of sadness. It’s no ones intention, it’s no ones “doing”, it just is what it is and I’m responsible for these feelings. Even if we would have liked another kid I just can’t bear the thought of going through a 4th nerve wrecking 11 weeks of pregnancy, then the genetic test, and if it has SMA we need to go through an abortion and try again.
So please, for all of you who tells me the good news that a third is on it’s way, I’m really happy for you, I truly am, but also bare with me if I act a bit weird afterwards, I’m working on it. Just needed to vent.