“Are you not going to have a number 3?”

It’s time to let off some steam… As more and more of our friends are going the “third child” route I find myself overwhelmed with all those horrible thought and feelings that are so tabu to talk about.

First of all, we HAVE a third child already and our number three is called Victor. The next time someone asks why we don’t want to have a third (generally someone I only know from the play ground) I’m going to SCREAM! Second, IT’S SO F**ING UNFAIR that we don’t have all three children with us physically to stop all those who wonders why we don’t want to have a third. And third, I went through THREE pregnancies, THREEx8 months with sleepless nights, THREEx8 months of diaper changing, feeding, weighing, playing, singing, cuddling, loving… and I need to get that straight once and for all, most importantly in my OWN head because I don’t feel like I have the evidence that we have a third.

I confess, whenever I hear about yet another “third child” I cringe and feel this big wave of sadness. It’s no ones intention, it’s no ones “doing”, it just is what it is and I’m responsible for these feelings. Even if we would have liked another kid I just can’t bear the thought of going through a 4th nerve wrecking 11 weeks of pregnancy, then the genetic test, and if it has SMA we need to go through an abortion and try again.

So please, for all of you who tells me the good news that a third is on it’s way, I’m really happy for you, I truly am, but also bare with me if I act a bit weird afterwards, I’m working on it. Just needed to vent.

Skiing and reflecting on a few things

As you know I’m playing private detective this month and the plan is to listen to my body and react to what it needs – drink when I’m thirsty and eat when I’m hungry – not do the old “I’m just going to do x,y,z first….” and thereby completely ignore what my body is trying to communicate.

So far I’ve discovered that I don’t really like the taste of coffee. Of course I’ll have one when I feel like one, but not these random cups that I just drink because I need a “break”. It’s weird though, when you actually start paying attention to what you are feeling, tasting and doing you start to notice that a lot of the things you put in your mouth you don’t even taste because you are preoccupied somehow… And a lot of the things you think can be quite negative for no reason at all!

I’m also hoping that this will lead to me finding my life purpose somehow. I’m still searching for the right thing for me to be doing, how I can be of service and how I can help others. See if I start listening to MYSELF for once, maybe I will get some answers.

Have a lovely day!

Second clue…

I managed getting the kids to bed before 20:00, on my own!! So I decided to have a nice evening watching Dr. Wayne Dyer’s lecture (http://youtu.be/0N8e8QLHHvE) named “What’s your calling?”. And since I was sitting here in peace and quiet I decided to enjoy a lovely piece of dark chocolate. What happens? I start feeling bloated and a tiny bit sick! Had to write this down really quick so  I don’t decide to ignore it because chocolate is sooooooo good!

Back to the lecture! See you soon!